There’s a divide in the issue of “long distance” dating between those in that zone known as “in town” (the Tri State area) and those out of town. In towners often insist on dating only within their zone, because the world outside (if it actually exists) is hard to get to. To make it out there, you have to travel, make time, spend money.
While I’d have to agree with the in towners that all the awful collateral damage is hard to avoid, I’d caution them not to paint hashgacha pratis – Hashem’s hand in our dating success – into a corner. It’s reasonable to request His assistance in our dating, less reasonable to dictate the terms on which that assistance can come. If s/he’s got to be this look, working in that sort of career, and living in these zip codes, we’re leaving very little wiggle room for His plan to play itself out.
All other things being equal, if faced with two dating options it would be fair to begin with the option that offers more convenient access. All things are never equal though. There are too many that refuse to even consider options out of their self imposed comfort zone. While you might have dating options in convenient proximity, that doesn’t make them any better as a dating option.
In fairness, this cuts both ways. Just as there are guys who won’t venture farther south than exit 13 on the New Jersey Turnpike, there are girls who refuse to move their lives north of that exit. Relationships fundamentally require compromise; travel and/or relocation might be a good place to start.
While I encourage singles to travel that extra dating mile for a relationship that has promise, I do recognize that this travel can be both expensive and disruptive to a tight working schedule. Here are some tips to make for a more smooth and productive distance dating experience:
Most importantly, remember that dating – like life – is a journey! If you don’t learn to enjoy the ride, both figuratively and literally, you’ll be losing opportunities for some of the most fascinating and thrilling experiences.
Measure Twice, Cut Once:
Considering the greater investment you’ll be making in this relationship, it’s fair to spend more time making sure the relationship holds promise before you begin. You might even want to mention to references that you’re calling from out of town to impress on them the importance of your getting accurate information.
Modern Technology Offers Options:
While I believe it’s wise to have first dates in-person whenever possible, beyond the initial meeting/s you can certainly make use of Skype, FaceTime, and other communication tools to further your long distance relationship. For video chatting, I’d recommend making sure you have a high quality web cam, even lighting, and an uncluttered background.
Halfway is OK:
Sometimes it’s not necessary for one or the other of you to travel the full distance. If you’re in Silver Spring and he’s in New Jersey, why not spend the afternoon in historic Philadelphia?
Make a Date Out of It:
If you’re traveling anyway, why not find out if there are dating options for you at your destination. If you’ve got a conference in Chicago, call a friend of yours in the Windy City and ask if there are any eligibles they can recommend. If you’re spending Yom Tov in Israel, don’t forget that close to half of the Jewish world’s singles live in that Middle Eastern strip.
Most importantly, remember that dating – like life – is a journey! If you don’t learn to enjoy the ride, both figuratively and literally, you’ll be losing opportunities for some of the most fascinating and thrilling experiences. The shortest route to your longest relationship, isn’t always along the shortest route!
