GET OUT THERE
Build Your Dating Profile
Optimize your dating profile to craft the most efficient, concise, and unique portrayal of who you really are. Included is a discussion of how much self-revelation is optimal, how to pick references, and the use of photographs in your dating profile.
DATE THE RIGHT ONES
Find and Select The Right Dates
Too many choices can be overwhelming and frustrating, while too few will not give you enough opportunities to date and discover your match by experience. Rachel will help you ‘widen your net’ so that you are using all research and networking opportunities available to you in your effort to find suitable dates. She can also guide you on how to be most effective by choose who to date from those options you have now.
Pre Date Preparation and Post Date Review
Get into the proper ‘headspace’ for your date and identify any mental blocks you might be experiencing that are preventing you from having the most enjoyable and connective time on your dates. After your date Rachel will do an analysis of what went well and what could have gone better. She’ll help you answer whether or not it’s in your best interests to go out again, as well as how it is most appropriate to ‘say yes’ and to ‘say no’.
How to Navigate Advanced Stages of Dating
As a dating relationship advances, there are ever greater demands of emotional intimacy and personal vulnerability to move the relationship forward. While these stages can be unsettling, particularly if you have been hurt in the past, they are the best way for you to truly understand and connect with your date.
The focus in this stage is to help you pace yourself so you can both open up and stay safe. Rachel will guide you in drawing out your date’s deeper emotional world so that you don’t feel stranded and alone as you attempt to create a more profound emotional connection.
HOW DO I KNOW?
When and How to Get Engaged
The period of engagement can be one of tremendous excitement, but also one of great stress and anxiety. The sheer number of important decisions that need to be made between the couple and family can fray at the young bonds that are being formed between you and your fiancee. Rachel will assist you in sorting out and focusing on priorities, guide you in communication with the wider family, while ensuring you continue to nurture your emerging relationship.
YOU CAN DO THIS MARRIAGE THING
Dealing with Wedding Stress and Jitters
Build the confidence and security to make or respond affirmatively to a proposal. Although you might have been dating for a while, the decision to commit your life to somebody is no small feat. Rachel helps you review your life and dating priorities carefully so that you can develop the peace of mind and security to respond with confidence.
Equally as important, you may discover that you need to continue dating or that you may need outside assistance before you can consider engagement. Rachel will work with you to ensure you strike the balance you’ll need to remain invested in the relationship while you complete the mental process you’ll need before you can get engaged.
IT’S ALL GOOD
First Year Adjustments
‘Shanah Rishonah’, your first year of living together, can be a time of tremendous joy, discovery, and connection. It can also be a time of frustration, hurt, and unfulfilled expectations. Either of these outcomes can result from the process of joining your life with another person.
To bring balance, peace, and reliable love into your lives will require both an understanding of the different ways in which men and women experience and express themselves as well as how to communicate about these differences. Rachel’s coaching can assist you in identifying the recurring patterns of tension in your relationship and learning how to break through those barriers to secure peace in your home.
Rachel’s eager to help community activists dedicated to supporting our singles!
Singles Events and Weekends
Rachel has served as a panelist, facilitator, and designated coach for singles events of all varieties on both sides of the Atlantic. If you’re organizing an event and need someone singles can connect with, confide in, and gain support from, Rachel is happy to contribute to the success of your event.
Rachel offers FREE appointments for Shadchanim to consult with her about the complex dynamics being faced by their dating singles. Whether you’re acting as a shadchan for the first time or are an experienced shadchan facing a unique circumstance, Rachel can help you bring about better outcomes for your couple.
Video & Audio Webinars
Shidduchim are difficult enough as it is, you don’t need to face this challenge alone! Whether you are a single, a parent, a shadchan, or just a concerned community member, Rachel offers FREE webinars by video and audio to ANY group of 10 or more people looking to gain insight into and guidance on dating dynamics.
Rachel Burnham was born in New Haven, CT and earned both her BA in psychology and MA in Occupational Therapy in New York City. As an OT she worked in a wide variety of settings, which honed her natural gift of intuition and ability to actively listen. Most importantly, for close to a decade she worked every day to give people the confidence and tools to live purposeful and independent lives.
Rachel married Rabbi Ozzie Burnham at the age of 34. That moment was particularly special for her as she had been dating for 14 years, in which time she went out on thousands of dates with hundreds of men.
In addition to her own broad dating experience, as a matchmaker and mentor Rachel has guided countless singles and dating couples towards connective, meaningful, satisfying, and loving relationships. A naturally outgoing ‘people person’, Rachel’s enthusiasm about relationships and appreciation of the benefits deep connection brings makes her coaching not only her profession but her passion as well.
In her free time Rachel is involved in Jewish outreach and loves to travel and exercise. Rachel lives with her husband and two children in Silver Spring, MD where they work every day to keep themselves on the shortest route to their longest relationship.
What does a dating coach do?
Think of a shidduch dating coach as a personal trainer for your dating life. People get fit without personal trainers, but they’re likely to get their faster, with less pain, and with more focus if they have professional help.
How is a dating coach different than a rebbe/rebbetzin or mentor?
Your rebbe/rebbetzin or mentor is probably extraordinary in many ways. That said, they’re not likely to have the depth of experience with dating that a coach like Rachel has both personally and through the many unique types of clients with whom she’s worked.
Rachel has guided singles in their twenties and in their sixties. People who were never married and people who were married multiple times. Extremly vivacious and stable daters as well as those with signficant mental or emotional handicaps. Clients who are chassidish and clients who are not Jewish. This is Rachel’s speciality, what she does with laser focus and deep passion.
How much does this service cost?
- An hour of coaching is $100
- Sessions can be broken down to any size that’s convenient for you. You pay only when your sessions have added up to an hour.
- Refer a friend and get a half hour session free! If you refer a friend that completes an hour’s worth of coaching, you get half an hour for free.
Do you coach both women and men?
Absolutely. Although Rachel is a woman, she dated 220 men and learned a thing or two about how men can date best along the way. Additionally, every client of hers is either a man or dating a man. Finally, Rachel is happily married to a manly man with all the wonderful quirks of the male gender so she gets to put here relationship building skills into active practice all the time:-)
Would you be willing to speak at our singles events?
Absolutely! Rachel does this because she wants to make sure singles never have to endure another singles event and so that whatever events they do attend are as pleasant and productive as possible. Please reach out so we can be in touch.
What age singles do you mentor?
Age is just a number;-)
Seriously though, Rachel has worked with singles who have yet break 20 as well as singles with grandchilren.
If you’re seeking the critical perspectives and skills to get down to that chuppah, Rachel can help!
Do you only work with people who are both Jewish and observant?
Although Rachel’s primary client body is both Jewish and frum / observant, she has most certainly worked with many Jewish singles who are not religiously observant.
It’s less common for her to work with non-Jewish clients, simply because her referral network is within the Jewish community. That said, the dating priciples she helps clients apply have broad applicability and anybody is welcome to call for a consult to see if her coaching in the right fit.
Do you work with parents of singles?
Rachel most certainly does work with parents, more often that one might imagine a shidduch dating coach is called upon to do.
She spans the full gamut: parents who are just starting to call shadchanim and help with writing a shidduch resumes or those that have children in the thick of the “shidduch crisis”.
She also works with many parents who themselves are not frum / observant and are trying to figure out what the entire shidduch system is about and how best to be supportive of their children.
How and when does the coaching take place?
Coaching almost always takes place over the phone. Over time Rachel has found that this is both most convenient for clients and also provides space for her and clients to explore challenging dynamics with a degree of objectivity that might be more challenging in person.
How can I get a sense of what coaching with you be will be like?
That’s an easy one. Hit Rachel with what you’ve got!
Schedule a call to discuss a very real challenge in dating and put her to the test! The initial 15 minute consult is free, and in that time you’ll quickly figure out if this is going to bring you real value or not.
An initial 15 minute consultation is absolutely free and will give you a good idea whether or not this is the right fit for you.