5 Ways to Guarantee a Shidduch Date Gone Bad

by | Dec 14, 2017 | Active Dating | 0 comments

While nobody goes out intending to act out a shidduch date gone bad skit, people do it all the time. Like every day!

Why? Why self sabotage like that?

 

Typically people are clueless about how they come across on dates. All they know is that the shadchan calls back with bad news again and again. 

 

Why Do People Ruin Their Shidduch Dates?

There are lots of reasons!

Sometimes, young men and women are going through the motions of what’s expected in the shidduch world and in the frum community, but are not fully invested in the process. 

 

Sometimes, people will let a date go bad because deep inside they are much more afraid of things going well which will lead to commitment and marriage. 

 

People also sabotage their shidduch date so that they don’t have to so that they don’t have to face fears of losing independence, having children, sharing finances, divorce, etc.

 

Work Through Your Psychological Stuff Before You Date

The best way to get to these problems before they crop up on a date, is to address them directly. We can’t expect marriage to be our hospital and fix our deepest fears and anxieties.  These need to be worked out beforehand or we will only make two people miserable.  

 

Pretending to go through the motions of dating when we are not ready for dating, engagement, and marriage is unfair.

Let’s assume that you have worked out your past and are ready to face your future. Here are 5 common mistakes that make a shidduch date go bad and how to avoid them:

By presenting yourself in the best possible dating light and making a strong first impression, you keep your dating partners engaged and create possibilities that may not have been available previously.

 

Oversharing

Don’t over share on early dates. Aside from being too personal too fast, it comes across as too eager.  It leaves nothing to the imagination and/or another date.  You want your date to get to know all facets of you, but pace yourself. Healthy relationships progress slowly and steadily.

 

Checking Out of The Date

Acting distracted, unavailable, flooded, or not actively participating in a conversation sends a clear message that you are not available. Body language, eye contact, and verbal engagement speak louder than your thoughts. If you are interested, make sure to match your actions with what you are feeling and be present.  On the other hand, even if you’re sure your date is a dead end, don’t check out. They deserve to be treated with respect and not feel ignored, or worse, like a waste of time.

 

Poor Personal Hygiene

It’s uncomfortable to have to mention this, but experience tells me it’s best to put it out there. Body odor, dandruff, unkempt or disheveled dress, and general lack of preparedness for a date shows disinterest either in your date, or in dating overall. It’s insulting and a sure way to kill the chance of a date’s success before it’s even begun.

 

Asking Too Many Questions

You may be tempted to pry into private areas of someone’s life because of something you’ve heard or sheer curiosity.  Either way, nosiness is not attractive.  Wait until your date feels comfortable making personal disclosures.

 

Focusing on Yourself

The best dates are not about you flaunting, but about being a good listener and learning about the other person. Active listening is ideal. When you can listen, and ask pertinent and appropriate questions, you’re invested in hearing and learning about another.  This quality is not only extremely valuable in marriage, but also shows your date a high amount of respect and value and is extremely attractive.

 

By presenting yourself in the best possible dating light and making a strong first impression, you keep your dating partners engaged and create possibilities that may not have been available previously. Think about what makes you enjoy a date and do more of that so that you shorten the route to your longest relationship.

Get clarity and traction in your dating today!
Find out how in your risk free initial consultation:

Social media

Popular posts

Recent posts

No Engagement Clarity and Feeling Pressure

No Engagement Clarity and Feeling Pressure

He's Ready for Engagement, I Have No Clarity. What Do I Do? I’ve been dating a quality guy for the past two months. From my perspective, things are going well. We have a great connection and share life goals. When it comes to engagement though, he is way ahead of me....

How to Prepare Your Children for Dating

How to Prepare Your Children for Dating

Question As I watch family members and friends marry off children, I wonder if there’s anything I can do to prepare my children for this complex and often daunting stage of life. What values, ideas, and viewpoints can I instill in them now to better prepare them for...

Expectations in a Relationship: What is Healthy?

Expectations in a Relationship: What is Healthy?

Expectations in a Relationship: Am I Demanding Too Much of My Shidduch Date I’ve been blessed to grow up in a very warm, loving, and healthy home. My parents are unique and special people. They provided the paradigm of marriage that I aspire to emulate. My image of...

Categories

Word Cloud

Tag cloud

No tags.

Related Posts

Get From Fantasy to Reality: The 5 Stages of Dating

Get From Fantasy to Reality: The 5 Stages of Dating

Fantasy can be such an exciting and beautiful place. It’s a place where all dreams come true. A place where whatever I desire is possible.  Nobody to “tell us no”, just “let it go” and “all your dreams will come true” if...you “believe in magic.” Western culture...

10 Tips for a Successful First Date

10 Tips for a Successful First Date

Question I go out on many first dates and often get turned down. I wish I would at least be given a second chance. Am I doing something wrong? I know first impressions are important, but are they the only thing that matters? What could I be doing to improve my overall...

10 Tips to Make Dating Events Work for You

10 Tips to Make Dating Events Work for You

I recall the overwhelming feeling of walking into, yes, yet another singles event.  Here we go again!!! The nerves, the anxiety, the anticipation, who will be there? How do I look? Will HE finally be here? Will this just be another one of those events where I put...